Behind the Scenes at the Dainty China Country

For Day 2 of the Creative Writing Challenge. This is less fan-fiction and more like fan-farce. But I’m still a fan, so I think it counts.

china countryThe china Princess and the Milkmaid hid in the bushes beside their tall China Wall.

“This is ridiculous,” the Princess complained. “No one can see how pretty my dress is.”

“That’s the point, Princess,” the Milkmaid said sharply. “You are lucky you escaped the carnage.”

The china Milkmaid cradled her arm as though it still had a nick, as though her china cow had only just kicked her. It had been years, but the Milkmaid was never going to forget. Her cow’s leg had been mended, but she’d never been the same.  And the church! Well, the damage just had to be repaid.

“If these twigs scratch my paint,” the Princess was saying, “I’m going to blame you.”

“Certainly, Princess,” the Milkmaid said absently. “We’re going to make her pay.”

“But she’s travelling with Ozma, Milkmaid. If Ozma is harmed. . . “

“Are you a Princess or a dimwitted thing like Mr. Joker?”

“Don’t you drag Mr. Joker into this. He’s so cracked he barely ever makes his silly rhymes.”

“Exactly – and why do you think he started those reckless tumbles from the wall? It’s because that girl and her rag-tag group smashed the church!”

The china Princess pursed her lips but remained silent. It was the Milkmaid who was cracked. She was going to have to stop the Milkmaid. She just hoped she could do it without a trip to the menders.

“Milkmaid, I think this has gone far enough. We cannot harm Princess Ozma. I refuse to go any further with this until you tell me what you have planned.”

The Milkmaid looked at the Princess and frowned. Perhaps she’d gone too far, mentioning the clown.

“It’s simple,” the Milkmaid answered, “I took the shards from the broken church and fashioned a spear. You will act as my bait. I will hold you at spear-point and demand they make reparations – or hand over Dorothy. Otherwise . . .”

The Princess gasped and gave the signal. The china Soldiers rushed out of their hiding spots and grabbed the Milkmaid.

“I’m sorry Milkmaid, but Ozma has already promised us a new church. I’m not going to ruin her visit because you’re still upset. I am a Princess, and it’s time to start acting like one.  China Soldiers, take her away.”


The Princess sighed and gingerly made her way through the thicket to the formal receiving line. Mr. Joker gamboled and laughed. Trumpets sounded and he stood on his head reciting a poem:

“My Lady fair,

You once did stare,

At poor old Mr. Joker.

You are still pretty

But no longer silly

A good deal you did broker!”

About KM Sullivan

Descended of pirates and revolutionaries, KM Sullivan is a lover and student of all things Irish. Born in the States, she is a dual US/Irish citizen, and studied history and politics at University College, Dublin – although, at the time, she seriously considered switching to law, if only so she could attend lectures at the castle on campus. She lives in the American Midwest with her son, two cats and a pesky character in her head named D (but you can call him Dubh). Her first book, Changelings: Into the Mist, a young adult historical fantasy is available now on Amazon and Barns and Noble. She can be found writing with said character at her blog, The D/A Dialogues.

7 comments on “Behind the Scenes at the Dainty China Country

  1. Reblogged this on The D/A Dialogues and commented:

    A: For Day 2 of the Creative Writing Challenge
    D: What have you called it, Fan-Farce?
    A: I think it’s appropriate.
    D: Well, perhaps not appropriate, but at least you’re not taking it seriously.
    A: (Groan).

  2. Nice! And not so obscure.

  3. Yeah pretty sure this counts as fan fiction. I admit I am not up on my Oz lore like I should be so some of the references are lost on me 😦

    But very well written! I enjoyed it! 🙂

  4. I confess I’ve never read the OZ books — but the film is dear to my heart, as you well know.
    I enjoyed this nonetheless.

    • I haven’t read all of them – they weren’t as available when I was a kid, collecting them, and the library didn’t have them all. I’d moved on when we entered the new age of “library systems” and borrowing amid the libraries. I could probably get the lot now on Amazon for a steal … mmmm, christmas is soonish… And the movie – oh how I love the movie. I loved that send up of the storm you wrote!

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