Adventures in Potty Training

Charles & Aidan

Father & Son

August 2013-Mission Potty Training of Toddler-These are the stories of a pee-soaked father:

It started with daily accidents until part 1 of training was complete.  Not the toddler, but the adults realized they had to carry him to the toilet every 2 hours.  He had trained us well and did his part in learning how to unroll the toilet paper and flush the toilet while laughing maniacally.

Then we had a breakthrough and things ran smoothly . . . almost smoothly . . . we’re talking fine sandpaper instead ‘take five layers of skin off your arm’ sandpaper.  Hey, that’s progress people and it’s only left us with a few bad incidents.  Two epic ones come to mind and some of the others required severe decontamination, but are not fit for human discussion.

The first of the epic events was innocent enough.  The toddler went before we went out to play and the fact that he had ingested two water bottles in five minutes was irrelevant.  He was on the swing and I was pushing him with . . . my arms.  Suddenly the following happens:

Toddler-  Daddy!  I have to pee!
Me-  Now?
Toddler-  Daddy!  I have to pee!
Scoop him off the swing, take his hand, and we go running across the lawn.  Only make it to the patio when he stops, piss flowing out of his pants.
Toddler-  Daddy!  I peeing!
Me in panic mode-  Not on grandpa’s patio!  Pee on the lawn!
Toddler singing-  I peeing on the lawn!  I peeing on the lawn!  Starts Dancing  Daddy!  I peeing on the lawn!
Hours pass after things are cleaned up and the family comes home.  First thing out of his mouth:
Toddler-  Hi!  Daddy teach me pee on lawn!
Me muttering under my breath-  Traitorous whelp.

This was the worst up until today where he must have had enough liquid in him to fill the kitchen sink.  He stopped in the living room with his eyes wide with fear.  He knew he was doing wrong, but the waterfall was coming.  I yelled for the wife to come and help since she offered to handle the potty training today.  The toddler backpedaled, leaving a river of urine on the laminated floor.  Not his fault, but he was scared.  Then he hit the wall, slipped on the puddle, and went down like a flopping soccer player.  Tears mixed with pee while the wife took over and I cleaned Pee Lake.  Later this conversation happened.

Me- You have to be careful, little guy.  You fell on your face.
Toddler-  I no fall on my face.
Me-  Yes, you did.  You fell flat on your face.
Toddler- No!  I no fall on my face!
Me-  Then, what did you fall on?
Toddler-  I fall on the floor, Daddy!

You win, toddler.  You win.

Moral of the story?  None.  Don’t forget to buy my books.  Both of them.  😛

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.

29 comments on “Adventures in Potty Training

  1. Trust me when i tell you that I feel your pain. X 2 in fact.

  2. Now that sounds like one adventure after another 🙂

  3. If anything if made me chuckle! 😀

  4. Know that…”feeling?” all too well!

  5. Potty training is not for the weak and soooo time consuming. Yep, you’ve covered the fun parts. This bring back memories. Glad that’s all behind us now. *gins*

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