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Labor Day’s Day

By Dean

By Dean

Labor Day– My time has come!

Memorial Day– Congrats, but what are you about?

Labor Day– I . . . I don’t know any more.

Halloween– She’s the sign that summer is ending, school is starting, and some people can get off from work.

Labor Day– That can’t be it. Can it?

Halloween– At least you get the day off. I have actual traditions that can’t be done until kids get back from school and most people hide in their houses anyway.

Easter– That’s because you’re Satanic.

Halloween– I’m Christian, you candy-theme stealing jerk! At least I make sense. Death of a savior equals chocolate, bunnies, eggs, and ham? No wonder Jews can’t figure you out.

Passover– Leave us out of this. We have enough trouble explaining ourselves.

Yom Kippur– Sooooo hungry.

Labor Day– Can we get back to me? It’s my day! Forget the rest of you! My day!

Veteran’s Day– You were originally an idea stolen from Toronto’s labour festival and . . . I think you’re just a celebration of the strength of the working man. You’ve been turned into a retail holiday like many of us.

Black Friday– One of us! One of us!

Labor Day– Who invited him?

Thanksgiving– Sorry. He’s my vestigial twin, so he goes where I go. He gets more crazed and warped every year.

Ground starts shaking as something massive approaches. A towering figure of red, white, and black looms over the crowd of holidays.

Christmas– I’ll tell you what all of you are!

Independence Day– Not this shit again.

Christmas– All of you are my bitches! Even you , Easter and Passover.

Easter– I did notice a few chocolate Santas being sold this year.

Passover– Uh, we gave you Chanukah as a sacrifice and you’ve left the rest of us alone. Most people don’t even know about us, so I’m not your bitch. Right, guys?

Yom Kippur– Sooooo hungry.

Labor Day– Has everyone forgotten about me? Hello? This is my day! Why is nobody paying attention to me any more? What is the point of my existence?

Black Friday– One of us! One of us! One of us!

Labor Day– I hate all of you.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.

12 comments on “Labor Day’s Day

  1. That Jewish thing was sort of obvious…no need to explain. Funny though. My kids, even into adulthood, have had to ask me things like, What is Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day,etc… about? They really don’t have a clue. They went to school. They know Christmas, Easter and Independence Day but are sometimes lost on the others. Let us be fair now and not forget Kwanzaa, and Ramadan…we can explain Rosh Hashanah later.

    • I barely know them too. Holidays aren’t really taught. The big ones are known because of Sunday School and the media. Every Passover I have at least one person talk to me about the damn movie. Rosh Hashana isn’t very complicated. Jewish New Year since Judaism works off a different calendar.

  2. “You were originally an idea stolen from Toronto’s labour festival”–Funny! 🙂

  3. NICE FORM….YOM KIPPUR KILLS ME

  4. Not the usual tale, but I Like this.

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