This is a quick tutorial for those of you that drive cars.
But first…why is everyone that drives faster than you a crazy son of a bitch and those who drive slower are a stupid son of a bitch? Just wondering….
I drive a Semi-truck…AKA: Big Rig…18 Wheeler…Chicken Hauler…Bull Wagon (livestock)…Skateboard (Flat-bed)…Parking lot (Car transport) or just “Semi”.
Those of you that are fortunate enough to drive your own vehicles…we truckers call y’all “4-wheelers”…you are the bane of our existence.
Road rage is a term that does not cover the entire spectrum of the terrible things we truckers think about when you cut us off in traffic. The violence that has crossed my mind during an episode of near collisions has left me needing a shower and confessional.
First…some quick 411:
A) Just because we have 18 wheels DOES NOT MEAN that we can stop on a dime! Most of the rigs you see weigh 80,000 lbs! That’s 40 tons people!! Do the physics!
B) Just because our turn signals are flashing does not indicate that we would love for you to speed up and pass us! Our signals tend to mesmerize 4-wheelers.
C) Just because you think that when you are coming down a “get-on” ramp and we won’t let you in does not mean that a 4 wheeler will let US move over to let you in!
D) When you see a Semi on the shoulder of the road with flares or triangles behind it does not mean that they are targets! This does not mean we want you to blow by us at 75 mph and knock down our flares/triangles…blow our hats off and generally shit in our pants when you kick up gravel on us as you pass! 75 mph gravel hurts like a bitch!!
I say this next part in all honesty.
I have been driving a Semi off and on since 1991. And I know that there are attentive, courteous 4-wheelers out here (National Geographic found some in a rain forest somewhere and Ripley’s claims to have some on display, but I don’t know whether to believe it or not…; ) and I KNOW FOR A FACT that there are asshole truckers! But when I tell you that MOST 4-wheelers have NO CLUE what they are doing or that a Semi will kill them very messily, it is not an exaggeration.
I have seen things out here on this highway that would BLOW YOUR MIND! The level of stupidity is baffling. How in THE HELL do some people get a license?
We have rules and regulations out here that rivals the tax code. We have schools, driving academies, and college courses to teach young drivers the rules and etiquette of being a professional driver.
Most people only get high school Drivers Ed. They never taught you about co-existing with big rigs did they? They never told me.
I just wanted to drop a quick line about this for you 4-wheelers. I’m planning to do a more extensive blog in the future on some trucking info that might interest you. At least I hope so.
Do me a favor and watch out for us truckers. We have to live out here. We damn sure don’t want to die out here. And neither do you. Trust me…you don’t wanna die under a Semi-truck. I’ve seen it.
I am a professional tourist. Please remember that “If you bought it, a trucker brought it”.
(p.s) Stay out of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Those crazy people must be close to God because they ALL WANT TO DIE!!
(p.s.s) If you want to see a short video of my road rage in full blossom, look at my YouTube thingee @ http://youtu.be/Yz9Z4KCC7Xs) it’s enlightening hee hee!