Tirade in Texas



I went to a steak house last night…

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you were not given your money’s worth, or did not get what you paid for? Then…were you treated like it was YOUR fault, or that you were inconveniencing them with your petty bitching?

The steak was still alive. I swear it.

I grew up on a hog and cattle farm and I know what a sunzabitchin’ dead animal looks like! This animal was wounded obviously, but far from death. Any animal or person for that matter with that much blood still left in them is only a tourniquet and 911 call away from complete recovery.

I had ordered a steak well done…With my experience as a carnivore and American consumer, I have expanded my acceptance ratios as far as what I will accept from a kitchen where they ask “How would you like that cooked?” Now, quick aside”: If someone asks me if I want my hamburger well done I will punch them in the face. Who eats a rare hamburger? A freaking savage…that’s who! Bread and blood don’t go together! For God sakes people, act like a flippin’ human! We “char-broil” hamburgers! Hence the first part of the word “Char” is…to burn!! There’s no pink in a burger! If you have pink in a burger it’s called goddamned tartar Dr. Lecter!


I like my steak very well done. But my parameters will accept medium well or just a little touch of pink. That is what A-1 is for people, to cover the range of plus/minus acceptability! A-1 is a gift from the gods, as were salt and pepper in their time.

The steak that made it to my table was unacceptable from the get-go. I swear it was still moaning…The general rule for a well done steak states that there is to be NO JUICE on the plate!! I can handle the melted butter and sour cream from the baked tater TO AN EXTENT! But, if the chefs or cooks give a crap about presentation, presentation, presentation, overflow of juices are to be kept to a minimum. I don’t want my roll and steak to be sitting in a bloody butter bath.

I want a pretty steak with stripes across it and translucent fat edges. A nice open tater with fresh sour cream that is still in the dollop shape of the spoon that scooped it from the container and a couple of slightly melted pads of butter. I want a roll that has a crust on the top that is so shiny I can see myself in it. I want a side salad that is so fresh that the veggies still have a taste of California and Iowa soil on them. Is that too much to ask?

Instead…I get a murder scene.

These people are charging me for this?! I am so outraged that I am going to do absolutely nothing about it! I’m gonna keep sitting here, trying to choke down this meal because I accept what comes out of the kitchen and don’t want to upset any of the cooks about the fact that their talents are not appreciated by those of us who have no right to question their prowess as an epicurean enigma!

So, I chew and chew, grinding the salad with the bloody roll and buttery steak. I just sit there and chew. I look at the bill. I look at the kitchen. I chew some more. I ponder a bit…

This restaurant has been on the Travel Channel, the Food Network and is a national icon. I will not give you the name of the Big Texan Steak House in Amarillo, Texas because it’s irrelevant where this episode occurred. I’m sure it is one of the isolated events that occur every time I have stopped there and is in no way a reflection on the people who never complain about it.

Get your money’s worth. Send the dang steak or cooked to order entree back to the kitchen, wherever it may be, and make the staff cook it right and send it back to you better than before. Have yourself a  great meal. Get your money’s worth it Dammit!!

Don’t worry about the spit, pubic hair, boogers or kitchen floor residue that is probably added to your order. Just know that you asserted yourself and didn’t take it laying down or bending over!

Now…you’ll appreciate the A-1 like never before. 

About treyzguy

I am so full of self-confidence and crap that I would worship myself against my own will.... Under penalty of death.

2 comments on “Tirade in Texas

  1. Never a good thing when you fear the steak will slap you for stabbing it with a fork.

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