(Based on a true story for the Frost Prompt.)
Good morning, Orlando! We here at WJRR have been getting some calls that we feel should be discussed. We know you’re scared and confused, but there is no reason to panic. The cold crystalline material you found on your car this morning is not a sign of the apocalypse or anything drug related. It is called frost, which is nothing more than a thin layer of ice. When the weather is cold, frost can appear overnight on things that are outside.
You may notice that your neighbors and friends who are originally from the north are taking this event in stride. In fact, we’ve had some calls from former New Yorkers and New Jerseyians trying to explain this. Though, we’ve had more phone calls making fun of the panic that they’re seeing. To help us out, many have given us an advisory list to make sure we Floridians survive this sudden and terrifying event. They assure us that these are important lessons:
Most importantly, do not try driving with the frost on your car windows. We’ve already had multiple accidents because of this and even one event where a man drove with his head out the window. They’re still looking for the head. Please realize that your car has been designed to handle frost. There is a button called the defroster for the rear window and a setting on your heater for the front window. Yes, your car can make heat as long as you switch it off from the air conditioner. The side mirrors can be fixed by scraping off the frost with a tool that most of you probably don’t own. Maybe a spoon will work, but we have been told not to shatter your windows or use your tongue to clear them.
Second, do not set your car on fire to get rid of the frost. This is a bad idea.
Third, if you’re really that scared then call in sick or get a ride from a braver coworker. Don’t be a fool or a hero.
Fourth, do NOT panic! Please put away your ‘End of the World’ signs and bibles. The Four Horsemen are not coming. Reports of seeing this are all because a horse ranch was broken into during the initial chaos. We ask that anyone who sees these four riders take the time to realize they’re wearing UCF football helmets and stolen prom dresses. Police are trying to apprehend them, but it will take some time while they figure out how to defrost their vehicles.
Now back to the same ten songs you’ve been listening to for the last three weeks. Four of them by Katy Perry.