It’s the holidays again
Full of joy and cheer
Expectations soar with laughter
Some happy shed a tear

I have no joy
I have lots of tears
Estranged from my sons
In its 5th year

They hate me for what I’ve done
And what I didn’t do
Compounded by poison from their mother, that she tells them is God’s truth

I have been shut off from them
And they’ve treated me as dead
While lies from anger linger like shadows in my children’s head

I know what I did and what I didn’t do
I live with regret and guilt, heavier with each day as passes thru

I am not the monster that I’m made out to be
But I am not there to set lies straight
To bear witness against another
Or shake my children’s faith

My children don’t know the whole story, for no one’s set them straight
They don’t know what I know
They’ve only heard a biased few
They don’t know the difference between the lies or the truth

I am not faultless
I’m not a perfect man
I’m like everyone else
Stumbling thru my plans

I was only 27 when she told me goodbye
She loved another man
I had no clue she wasn’t happy
I never saw it coming then…

But I am not the only party that should shoulder all the blame
But I’ll never tell the kids my side
and hurt their mothers name

Even though she’s never checked her hatred nor held back a scathing word
She forgets that I was there and  that I know all the dirt.

I’ll never tell my kids
I’ll not sink to so low a level
There’s no good that can come from showing the details with the devil.

One day I’ll have them back
I’ve asked Santa every year
To bring me back my kids and hope
And wash away the tears
I hope it’s not true that Santa’s dead or its always been untrue
Because I’m relying on that fat man to try and help us thru

Dear Santa bring my kids back without the looks and ire
Let me know for sure that my heart burns from desire

I’ll never tell the stories to my kids and drag up their mothers jaded past.

About treyzguy

I am so full of self-confidence and crap that I would worship myself against my own will.... Under penalty of death.

7 comments on “Santa

  1. Oh my goodness, this nearly had me in tears, I wanna give you a hug 😦
    Keep ya chin up and keep on hoping. There will be a day that they will come and find you.

  2. Would you mind if I pray for you and your children?

  3. Hi there,

    I think the content of this poem is really emotive and I like that, I also like the play on the mythology of Santa. However, next time, maybe try and play around a bit with your scansion as this will make the poem read better without being so jolting.


    • Thank you. It was kind of done in the heat of the moment. She had sent me a text out of no where saying “you’re missing so much” On Thanksgiving day after and somehow gotten pictures on my Facebook thru a distant relative of all my kids and ‘grandbabies’ It was mean and underhanded. But I thank you honestly for the advice. I should have read it thru before posting it. Usually I am more attentive to such things. Thanks again Emma 🙂

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