I read this great post: Perfect Ending To A Day
It touched me….
I was holding her frail hand, the one with her “green thumb”.
I smile at this…
She always giggled when she told me that she could kill a plastic plant…
But now her eyes were closed, her breath labored.
….. today was a good day for her.
She may have been asleep but her fingers gripped mine as hard as she could squeeze.
I could barely tell I was holding her hand at all as weak as she was.
It’s so painful to imagine strength draining away from the strongest person you have ever known.
….sand in an hourglass.
I laced my fingers thru hers, gripping them a little harder, tracing the veins on the back of her hand with my other fingers.
I can’t believe I’m losing her….
I can hear the thunder in the distance, the rain coming and going, the branches of the trees scraping lightly across the panes of glass
In the storm gray light of the small bedroom I turn back into time to think of our lives together.
I have done this more than usual lately….
…..Way too damn fast.
Doesn’t it seem weird that when you are about to lose someone close to your heart, a piece of your very soul, that we start to reflect on our memories of them more, as if though trying to burn them deeper into our hearts and minds….
It’s as if though we are afraid that we might forget something important….forget them?
I look at her face as she sleeps….
She’s so beautiful……..even now.
The sun is leaving her eyes.
The rain reminds me that I must not cry……
Cloud tears trickle down, the beads of cloud diamonds ornamenting her window…..
I won’t weep…..Not now at least, she gets upset when I cry.
I sit there, holding my friends tiny hand, staring out the jeweled window as the storm drums the shutters.
The lightning is bright, the thunder is closer….the rain, more insistent…..
I am on memory lane, it isn’t raining here.
There is only laughter, joy and our high school prom.
I am brought back from my breaking heart to the bedside when I feel her stir under the blankets….
Her eyes are open…
She is looking out the window, watching the storm.
Shadows of the window panes, rain drops and lightning dance across her face…..
She is quiet….Still.
Oh so still…..
I notice a small tear is running down her pale cheek and across her dry lips…
I reach up and wipe the tear away with my finger.
She grabs my hand and presses it to her lips and then….she drops my hand with a tired sigh.
I raise my finger to my lips and kiss what’s left of her tear….
She gives me that shy grin of hers and turns back to the storm.
“Will you do me a favor?” she asks in her beautiful, weak voice.
“I don’t know” I say “I’m kinda busy” I grin.
She squeezes my hand again before turning to look at me, her gaze imploring.
“I’m serious” She says.
My face softens, I will not cry….
“You bet” I whisper, both my hands pressing hers to show my promise.
She turns her face back toward the window as the rain dances across the roof, the thunder making the panes tremble….
I cannot cry in front of her….
My best friend in life is slipping away like a dream, like water thru my fingers….
“I hope it rains forever” I say….
Her eyes are closed now…
Her fingers relaxed in mine….
Her heart has finished its toil.
She has gone from me into the storm….
Life continues as memory….
I can cry now.
I will dance in the rain with the memory of my friend, and we will laugh…
I rejoice in the fact that as long as I live, she will be there with me.
She will watch my children grow.
She will watch our children become best friends.
It is time for me to weep for my lovely…
I can already hear her voice in my head…
She’s here…..right now.